I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
