After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
