yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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