You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
