Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
