I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
