So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
