Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
