My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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