So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
