My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
