I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
