I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
