Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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