Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
