I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
