That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
