Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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