Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
