do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
