you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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