just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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