You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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