"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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