I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
