I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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