I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
