just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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