Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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