You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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