I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
