Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
