I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
