Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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