Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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