last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
