i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
