from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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