last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
