he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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