Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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