Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
