FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
