yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
