we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
