So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
