Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
