My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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