I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
