Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I could fuck to npr.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
