listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
