Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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