my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
