Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I could make wine with my vomit
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
