this boner is exhausting
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
