You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
