Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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