I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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