i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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